Kick that flare?

I have taken a long hiatus from blogging about my condition since the last post, after having equal share of good and bad days for the past 1 year.
I hope my post could be a little helpful to people suffering from the same condition as me, especially when they are in a flare.

I hate flare! I do not believe in remission. I am looking for a cure!

Relapse

I thought I was almost celebrating for being 90% if not 85% myself when I suddenly felt a strange twitch after a series of anxiety attacks.
Maybe the flare was triggered by flute, anxiousness of getting some work quickly done, or the anger caused by reminiscing a past hurtful event again.
I am not too sure of which as the causative agent but one thing I know- my emotion rules my body, dominates my pelvic region.
I tried to relax my muscles over the past 3 weeks but in vain. As if it was not bad enough , my insomnia is back too after several months of disappearance. My anxiety level went fr level 9 to 10, I thought I am doomed this time. I dread to see my urologist/PT but I knew it was inevitable this time. But guess what? She is away and won't be back until 2nd Jan 2014. I find it hard to digest the fact that I will have days to tolerate this thing.
Can I wait till then? I don't know. I hope so. I have to. I have no solution now except myself . It's extremely tough to fight what you have are two empty hands and a tired brain. My brain resides back to my bladder once again...
Nope . I am not going to succumb to this stupid illness. I still have my kids, my husband, my family. They re my strength. Love will put me thru this tough stage... I am sure of . Life is not bed of roses, I have to accept that there will be setbacks now and then . I do not want to appear like an inflated balloon infront of my kids. They deserve my time , my affection, my time and attention. I have my duty to fulfil despite my discomfort. Yes it's only a discomfort, it's not killing me. I have not lost a single flesh or bone, why should I cry? There are so many people who are suffering worst conditions.
Brave yourself Valerie! You can do it. You will overcome this as you have in the past. Nothing should take away your courage to overcome this. I can do it!

Do you have a brain in ur bladder or pelvic like me too?

Yup. The title says it all. I am having a brain in that region, constantly. I am always thinking about my bladder or urethral or vaginal all day long, other than when I am in slumberland.
It's a mental torture when I am supposed to be busy with some other important issues. How can I get away with it? How can I stop thinking about that area? Is there a solution?
If you are like me how do you cope?
I need help here :(

Post SI joints adjustment

Guess what? Dr Yee said my joints are quite leveled, not as bad as before.
I have lesser backache eversince I started the spinal adjustment too.
The cupping session was good as usual as it regulate blood circulation and I felt so relax till I fell asleep there at the clinic :)
Called up my specialist today to arrange for an appointment tomorrow. Will discuss about the hospitalization next week too.
Into the 3rd day of the rephresh gel insertion ... I hope the stupid discharge will go away!

Trust?

Chatted with a friend on whatsapp last night and was reminded to pay a visit to my Chinese physical therapist- a chiropractor in fact.
I have a feeling that my SI joints and butt are going separate ways again. So yes! I am going for the re-alignment later morning.
The increased dose of lyrica totally knocked me out last night. Was taking 25mg in the morning and 50mg at night, but now the specialist wants me to up the dose to 75mg nightly. I was reluntant to take med since it's always a temporary fix or symptom masking attempt. My specialist insisted I have to stop the firing of nerve signal from my brain together with therapy if I want to recover. In one word, trust is what she needs from my side.
If you are seeing a specialist currently, one question you need to ask yourself is if you have confidence in her/him. If the answer is no, then it's time to move on and find another person. You need to trust that you are on the right track with the right person in order to get to your destiny. That's is... Road to recovery!

V for

My daughter gave me a V stamp this evening :)
V for Val? Nope. V for Victory ! It's like a powerful dose of analgesic injected into my pelvis to relieve my pain.
Thank you my dear G. You one of the greatest gift on earth to me.
If you ever feel hopeless, close your eyes and think of the smile of your love ones. Take a deep breath, hold it there and at exhalation, let go of that emotional burden. Do you feel better?

Bed bound mummy

I have been lying in bed most of the time today, after my physical therapy.
I couldnt fetch my daughter and I didn't get up to hug my son when he was back from school. All I could do is to listen to the sound of them playing and doing homework.
I felt rather useless and I wonder what they think of me? On a positive note, I think I am still very blessed person to be surrounded by wonderful people.
I love my kids and husband very much so this empowers me the strength to fight on.
As I pen my thought, I can feel the tears rolling down my cheeks. It has been 6 months since I lost my health... Perhaps 6 months is nothing as compared to those who had suffered years of chronic pain, but if you have the same condition/symptoms as me and live in fear and unknown everyday, you will understand how I feel.
A day that feels like a year....and forever.